How do I talk to my family about my adoption plan?

I need to place my baby for adoption, but how do I let my family know. This question is one that I have been asked many times over the years. While some birth parents are excited to share the news of their adoption plan with friends and family, many feel dread, fear, or at times even shame. Any feeling you are feeling is legitimate, because it is yours. However we want you to feel solid and supported in your decision.

So let’s jump in! The most important thing is that you know that you have the full right to how much you share or do not share with family & friends (with exception to the birth/legal father, but we will cover that in another post). This is your plan and you can set boundaries around the level of sharing you do, while making a consideration for the level of emotional support you may need in this process from trusted people in your life.

Things to Think About:

Consider your relationship with your family/friends. Who in your circle do you feel comfortable sharing with first? And are they willing to possibly sit with you while you share with other family members or friends?

What kind of support are you hoping for? For your mom to be in the delivery room with you? For you to have emotional support from your sister?

Are the people in your life willing/able to support YOUR decision?

Are the people in your life willing/able to respect your boundaries about who you do/don’t want to know about your adoption plan?

Will the people in your life respect the type of adoption plan that you feel is besT?

Once you have worked through those questions (and likely several more) you may want to consider the best way for you and that person(s) for you to share your plan….Maybe a quick phone call expressing your feeling of needing to make an adoption plan, feelings of unreadiness, or desire to have increased stability. Or perhaps a lunch out is a better option.

It is important that you share your plan (if you want to) in a manner that makes you feel safe and supported.

You can also work with one of our therapist to determine a plan for how you would like to share and possibly seek support during or post your conversation. When sharing your plan with family it is often best to do so early in the process to allow every one to process the decision of adoption and discuss possible post adoption communication.